The third eye on the surface
Opens up my mind
Twin visions in production
This long silence you will find
-Porcupine Tree


The grass bowed indefinitely to a sinking sun. The entire earth paled, the oceans drained. No longer could you sail a boat away onto the sea, no longer could you look to the sky and revel blindly in the unfathomable years tumbling on ahead of you. Tomorrow was about to become a thing of the past. Ears strained for sounds of renewal; a baby's cry, birds in flight; there came nothing but a thick silence.

I saw it all from the ends of the Earth. I stood in a place undefinable by time and space and I watched it all unfold, centerless, neverending. I thought, 'Those poor souls. Time moves so slowly for them, they are only concerned with the span of their own lives.' Eighty years? Hardly a long time when you can see evolution spread out like a ribbon, stretched end to end, slowly pushing forward. Piles upon piles of souls, dead energy, ghosts and bodies, rolled in a tight ball, crouched and ready to implode. How much longer can we breathe this air? Will the soil keep on holding the soles of our feet and feeling outstretched palms? How many layers of emotion and memory can we cram into this atmosphere?

What are you pretending for?

I watched as boys and girls, men and women, old and young, absorbed life and walked onward with closed eyes. They laughed and cried and cursed and prayed. Most importantly, they loved. That was the closest they ever got to God. Their souls would never be saved, but they came close. I watched them dress in oblivion and flirt with ignorance. The saddest were the ones who knew, but they gave up, thinking they weren't worthy for the planet they tread. So alone; I watched as they cradled their heads and sunk like weights to the bottom of a sea. I wanted to go back and cry with them, feel pain again, feel emotion. Feel alive. I wanted to scream all of the things that begged to be said, but I knew that it would change everything. It would disrupt what little we have left. So I just watched and wondered. That's all I do now. I watch, and I ask questions, and I feel the human condition like roses and razor blades, caressing and cutting me, a passion so strong it pulls me backwards into oblivion.

Meaninglessness. Unrewarded hope. Lost love. Misunderstanding. Hate.
Forgiveness. Passion. Devotion. Knowledge. Purity of heart.

It floors me what humans are capable of. I'm equally amazed by our vast array of limits. This world is based on parallels. You have one side of the spectrum, you have the middle, and you have the other side. You have a beginning and an end. You have opposites. Everything is relative, and science lays it all out for us in a neat little package. Text books say, 'this is what you should know'. Knowledge has as much to do with what we know, as what we don't know.

Humans aren't capable of imagining anything without a definable beginning or end. When I think back, my mind just keeps going and going and going. Along my bloodline, along the Earth, along time. There is no beginning or end. Our race does not signify the start of anything. We are a glitch in the middle of time. We are so, so young in the grand scope of things. How many years has it been, and we still believe we are the center of the Universe? We frighten ourselves with the prospects of a dying sun or a poisoned planet. Are we worried about our lives, or are we worried of greater consequences? There is no beginning or end. We have before and after. There will be an after, what are you worried about?

Love will tie me down. Love is the only thing with the potential to connect me back to where I lifted off from. Love will be my savior, my burden. Or can I have the best of both worlds? Can I be in two places at once?

I get caught in mimicry. I find myself acting without thought. Caring. At times, I wonder, with great frustration, why I continue to work shitty jobs and pursue a money-garnished future. The only thing rooting us in familiarity is fear. I would love to overcome fear, but I've been trained well. I've been taught to fear what I don't know. We've taken an instinct to the next level, and made it a curse.

I'm not looking for God, I'm looking at God. He's closer to you than I'll ever be.





I won't shiver in the cold
I won't let the shadows take their toll
I won't cover my head in the dark
And I won't forget you when we part
Collapse the Light Into Earth
I won't heal given time
I won't try to change your mind
I won't feel better in the cold light of day
But I wouldn't stop you if you wanted to stay
Collapse the Light Into Earth
-Porcupine Tree