The last song I ever want to sing....

I was speechless. The concert absolutely floored me. I glued my feet to the floor, sacrificed skin from my shins, and plastered a smile on my face the whole time. I have never felt that degree of happiness. It consumed me, I was in a state of bliss for hours afterwards. I can't describe how amazing seeing Moneen was. I wish I could bottle the events of last night and carry them around with me. My God.

"You should go to art school."
Three people in a matter of days, I had to pay attention. It's definitely in consideration now, but where will I go?

There was a night not too long ago, where I stayed awake until my alarm went off the next morning. I wrote like a fiend. My hand ached afterwards, and my eyes were strained and tired. I had filled fourteen pages with theory and wondering. I wish I could copy it out, but....it's not for other people. I don't even think anyone would really understand it. I tried my hand at explaining it, and the words came out all wrong. It makes sense in my head, in my soul, but my voice fails. A day after I wrote the entry, I closed it with a poem-of-sorts.

Last night I dreamt the world,
Of a thousand souls turned to dust,
A thousand more eyes turned blind,
Handfuls of hearts lay forgotten.

The purpose was lost from where
It lay dormant, nonexistent,
As a figment of thought, waiting.
Questions stripped it of life.

You stood up and out in the crowd
And slid into vision, you face mirrored
In a million others.
"What is left? Do you still love?"

I hated what I felt, what I saw
Pictures and emotions became scientific,
I had drowned in definitions,
Love did not exist without reason.

I started this.
I pulled up the roots to find nothing beneath the soil.
The dirt fell from my hands,
And I showed you the meaning of nothing.

We grew out of our instinct,
We lost our only hope before we ever knew
To reach for it.
Questioning faces panted at the skies.

All we knew was progress,
And even that was impossible.
How do you live without meaning?
Why can't I die with my eyes open?

We could all disappear in the blink of an eye,
Without so much as a sound from the stars in the sky.


Yeah, a little emo...but it meant something at the time. Anyway. Not much else is new in my life. Work is so-so, as per usual. I spend most of my time watching people. Watching my friends, really listening to what they say and how they present themselves. I learn a lot from being silent. A lot.

"You know what I want? A monogamous best friend. I want to belong to someone, but I don't want....you know...what everyone else seems to want."

He laughed, "Well good luck. There aren't many guys who would do that."

"I'm not looking for many. I'm only looking for one."