Look me in the eye and promise no love is like our love....

One of the most frustrating things in the world is knowing how to help a friend, but not being able to do it. Knowing exactly what they need to hear and what you need to show them, but resisting so that they will learn it themselves. I imagine this is what being a parent is like. You want to explain everything to your kid because you love them, and you've learned the lessons, and you want to save them the work. However, making things easier isn't always the best route. I have come across such a contradiction in love. Love and loss go hand in hand. Love and heartbreak are synonymous. When you love someone, you realize that suddenly everything becomes a lot more difficult. You want to solve their problems and make everything right, but at the same time, you know that they must do it alone. Even if that means having to watch them get hurt. I've become amazed at how contradictory love is. It's not about protecting someone from life, it's about shoving them headfirst into it.

It takes every inch of my self-control to not spell it out for you. It hurts me every time you fall, but I know that this time, I'm not taking the easy way out.

I have had conversations in the past days that have kept me up the entire night. Loss of sleep is the price I have paid for an exploding sense of knowledge. I learned the difference between sacrifice and compromise. I learned about honesty and respect, and when one has to take the place of the other. I absorbed so much from hearing other people speak; their words are imprinted like graffiti in my mind, and all of their voices sooth my thoughts. I can't believe how far I've come in a week's time, I finally feel like it's all coming together. People are making sense. I am making sense. I'm starting to recognize whatever hurts inside, and I'm analysing every angle of it. I know that I'm not going to make it go away, but I'm ok with that. I can be happy and sad. I'm not going to erase the past and start over. I'm going to move on from exactly where I am.

Next summer looks overwhelmingly appealing. Prospects and plans whiz about in my dreams, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. We sat with bright eyes and clutched hands and spoke of music, love, and a new beginning. I met her all over again, introduced myself to who she had become. She became more than just my blood, and what we found became the most central and influential thing on my mind. She is the most important thing to me. She means everything. Thank you.






"Where does the good go?"
-Tegan and Sara