They only want you when you're seventeen, when you're twenty-one you're no fun.....

I saw tonight that I will become the opposite of what I thought. I will be lost in the framework, holding you together and burying myself in the process. You'll never turn around to face me. I am forgotten. I fade into the background. I can't imagine it any other way. And it's sad, it breaks what little is left of my heart, but I don't need any part of this heart for myself. I know what I was. I know what I felt. And no one else will ever see.

I saw her again. White hair, flashes of a world I don't understand yet. I don't belong where she is, but I try to make sense of it. We walked, ignoring the cold, talking awkwardly.
"I don't know what I feel about relationships right now. I'm kind of wierd. I'm kind of lost."
I'm glad I met her. I'm glad we fit so well together. I felt comfortably childish, so young and unknowing beside this girl who had travelled the world and spoke with a thick air of experience.

The entire episode left me even more confused than when I started. So I tried both roads, and it turns out neither one is the right way(?) It's like I have no feeling left for anyone. There's nothing there. I'm looking for it, but maybe it gave up on me.
"Even if I do hurt someone, I always hurt the most in the end."

All of your ghosts still follow at my heels,
Swim around my head, evading my eyes and burning my skin.
All of your ghosts still know where I live,
Even if you've long forgotten my face.
I feel so heavy with them,
A gauzy film of past, ungraspable, they haunt my days.
They rob me of dreams.

It's been a short trip. I will depart now. Much more to say, but no energy to put it into sentences. This love thing is wearing me out.









"Thoughts of you drifting away......"
-Moneen