Two years is a long time to pretend. Can we start again?

"Something about you makes me sad."

No one called. I talked to you, felt ashamed, and said goodnight. A short lie and a spiked gatorade bottle got me as far as Mt Benson School. I drank alone on the Jungle Gym. Then I decided to walk somewhere more interesting. Past the overpass, I found the 'kids'. Cara, Brady, and Jesse. They were all quite pleased to see me (which was a nice feeling).
"Are you already drunk?"
We walked and talked and went to 'grandpa's' house. Drank more. Listened to Rock 101. Threw sausage rolls at the wall.
"This song reminds me of when I was little! I love it! I'm so tired of being lonely, I still have some love to give, won't you show me that you really care. Everybody's got somebody to leeeeeaaaannnn on. That's a load of bullshit."
You told me secrets on a bed below depictions of Jesus. Whispered them in my ear when no one else was around. I'll keep them hidden for you.
We left the two of you to have the night and the lake, and we went on an 'adventure', clutching our helmet of OE.
"We have to walk all the way to Dover. But I don't care. Because I'm really drunk."
We made it a little past Longwood Station before getting too tired and turning back. We walked home, throwing garbage into the road and demolishing tons of campaign signs. We parted ways at the overpass, and I walked the rest of the way alone with Bright Eyes and a fake smile. At home, I sat on the couch and watched Donkey Kong in spanish until around 2:30 in the morning. Then I drank some water and went to sleep.

"I used to see a little spark in your eye. It's still there, but it's fading.....fast. And it's being replaced by this....this empty sort of glare. Your eyes say 'help me' and 'leave me alone' all at the same time. And that's why no one knows what to do with you."








"Goddamn everything. I remember feeling 'happy'."
-Moneen