When you're sick, incomplete; watch the stars, not your feet. Feel the wind blow on your mind, now you're seeing blind....

It's all so painfully simple. All this time spent pondering over a word that, when it comes down to it, is just a word. "Love" is simply a word used as a means to express the unexpressable. However you interpret it is how it is. So what if you're not sure if what you feel is love. It's just a four-letter word. Use it however you please. If you want to say it as a general form of expression; go ahead. If you think it's something better left for special occasions; then do so. If you feel there's no other way to say what you feel, then use it. That's what it's there for. That's why we have the word love.

David Cassidy had it right when he said, "I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of?" Oh man. Please hurt me for ever typing a sentence vaguely supporting David Cassidy's 'music' 'career'.

I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am comfortably out of place here. The problem before, was that I was fighting it. I didn't have a purpose, so I saw no point in being here. I felt such a need for escape....but why? It wasn't going to take me anywhere. I'll still be in the same body, with the same thoughts and the same soul. I'll still be breathing the same air. Maybe I don't belong here, but even so; I'm here. This is where I am right now, so I can either fight it and waste my time wondering 'why', or I can just live and see what happens. I'm not going to get anywhere if I keep stopping and asking to get off the ride. This is what life is. I'm living it. Why do I question it when I already know what it is!? I should be questioning myself. Life goes on if I die. The world carries on. I am the constant. I am the only thing with an end. I will carry on, but in an inconceivable form. My existence will carry on in a manner so foreign to human thought, that I am unable to grasp it at this time.

So what is life? I am life. This is life. It's not complicated; it's right in front of me. So simple. Laid out in plain English. I thought it was so much more, that I completely overlooked the fact that it was right in front of my face.

My purpose? Irrelevant. Or, so far out of understanding that I won't know until much later.

Why am I here? Because I'm not finished learning yet. I'm not done absorbing all I need from this planet before I move on to the next stage.

So I was asked...What do you mean to me?

I spent so long questioning it and denying and avoiding and escaping. I thought I was getting closer to the truth, but I was getting further away. I was ignoring what I could potentially learn from you. This is what you are to me: you are an opportunity to learn. About love, or about a different kind of love. About something I've never felt before. If this was something I already knew, then I wouldn't be here, questioning, analyzing. I wouldn't still be around you. I feel like now is not the time to leave. For months I've been plagued by thoughts of what there is 'out there'. Beyond where I live amd am now. I've been obsessed with finding out what I'm missing when, all this time, it's been right in front of me. I've been running from the thing I'm searching for. This 'thing' that I feel for you...it tells me something. It tells me you're here for a reason. You're here to teach me something. The outcome is of no importance. When we are done learning, then we will part ways. And sometimes you find someone that you just never stop learning from.

I feel that you go through life with little stepping-stone paths, leading to nowhere inside of you. Everyone that enters your life helps you a little further along one of those paths. Sometimes a path reaches it's end, and you find the answer to something. The point is, when you turn someone away, or run away from a situation, you're missing an opportunity to add another stone to a path. That's why it's so important to be open to everything in life. Good or bad. Happy or upsetting. Safe or frightening.

For awhile I felt like something was missing. I couldn't have been closer to the truth. Of course things are missing. The only reason the feeling became persistent is because I tried to run from it. Well, I'm not going to do that anymore.

So this is what I feel for you. I'm not scared to say it, because a) it's what I'm feeling right now. It's truthful; and b) not matter what the outcome, this is something I need to do.
You are different. 'We' are different. I feel drawn to you. I feel at ease when I'm around you. I feel like we understand eachother. We feed the fire of eachother's knowledge. If you left tomorrow and I never saw you again, then I would thank you for teaching me how to let go. But, you told me you would never leave. You are teaching me trust. All this time I thought I couldn't find it. I didn't know how to trust people. And there you were, right in front of me, lesson in hand.







"Everything you've ever seen was just a mirror, and you spent your life sweating in an endless fever."
-Bright Eyes