I've been searching for so long for someone to; anonymous, avenge my name...

The title of this post is from the song that made me fall in love with the Mars Volta. Many months ago, I walked into Jason's living room and he said, "This is the Mars Volta." And the rest is history.

This is my 100th post. I wish I could celebrate by getting really shitfaced, but I have to work tomorrow.

Today I woke up really early, and then fell asleep again until 10ish. It was nice to sleep in for once. Last night I got stoned. It was a really bad high. I was paranoid the whole time, and really agitated. When I got home today, I told my sister she could have the rest of my weed. I don't want it anymore.

I packed up the rest of my room at my dad's today. It's like I don't even live there anymore. All of my stuff is boxed up, except for the necessities (cd player), which will be packed the day before I leave. It's exciting, but at the same time it's very strange. I'll never live here again. This is the first time I've moved on my own, I can't remember moving when I was young, (although I should, I fucking did it enough). Tomorrow I meet my landlord. Then, if all goes as planned, we move in on the first of July.

I also went kayaking today. Despite shitty boats and mediocre views, I had fun. I love the water so much. I enjoy being wet and gross and cold and covered in salt. It's great! We were out for a good three hours, then headed back. Fuck. I wish I didn't work tomorrow. I could use a good rest. I'm saying this as it nears 10:30 and I entertain no thoughts of going to bed...

I felt ok today. I think I've gotten used to this edgy feeling. The not-quite-alright state of mind. I'm actually starting to enjoy it.

Me- "Look at those people. They must be at least eighty years old, and they're still holding hands. I don't get it. How can you love someone for that long? How can you stay with the same person for the rest of your life?"

Her- "I don't know. I don't get it either. But maybe we just don't understand it because we haven't felt it yet."

Me- "Yeah, maybe they know something we don't."

I stared at the couple a little longer, and then I turned away. I didn't understand it, so I refused to try. Is there something out there in the universe that draws people together? Personally, I've grown sick of wondering. I don't care anymore. I'm done.

"Wanna watch this?"
"No. I hate feel-good movies."
"Only miserable people say that."
Ha, she's so right.




"Better now than never, better loud than clever. Better just to play the fool."
-MGB