Sitting here wondering why I'm sitting here alone once again....

I've moved. Everything's fucked up. 840 St. George. 741-1985. You can drop by if you want. Yes, you.

The past days have been an eclectic mix of ecstatic happiness and sinking depression. I've been drunk. I've laughed. I've cried (while drunk). I've thought a lot (sans laughter). Overall, it's been scattered and everything's been out of place, and I've never felt more comfortable. I absolutely love the insanity.

I've wrote a lot, but the book is at home, waiting to be posted far too long after the feelings have passed.

I let go of you and it didn't feel good. But, then again, I'm only happy when I'm unhappy.
"Maybe you don't know what happiness really feels like."
I'd like to know. I'd like to know a lot of things. Things that I previously have avoided for no particular reason. If I find that I don't enjoy them, then I'll try something else. But at least I'll know that I tried.

I'm listening to the Essential 60's and 70's at 6 on Rock 101. It makes me feel nostalgically happy for an era that didn't even belong to me. But it should have. Carefree days. Actions unhampered by conscience. Weeks spent partying. Concerts that went down in history. Love. Drugs. Rock and roll. Why was I born after all of this?

"I don't think he can teach me about love. And, I don't think you can either..." So, if you could stop coming to me when you think I'm vulnerable, I'd really appreciate it.

Low-ride-er drives a little slower. I hate this song.

I'm playing a show tonight. Sweet sweaty bliss and ear-damaging amplification. Mmmmmmm......

Moving out is a lot different. I've never really felt this lonely. I mean, people drop by, and I'm living with Janelle.... but it's not the same. It's so quiet. I feel... I guess I can only sum it up by saying that I feel alone. Not just in the house. Altogether. Last night I drank rum and coke (like a dirty old man) and talked to Janelle until 2:30 in the morning.
"This is the first time I've drank without feeling like I'm escaping something."
We talked about everything. Loose lips let things escape that I would normally never tell. Note: If you want me to tell you eveything, get me drunk.
"It's wierd. Everyone sees me as this happy, social, fun girl. And they don't really know anything about me. They don't know my past. They don't know that I've been hurt. And they don't know how that darkness inside just erases all the trust. It's not fair. For them, or for me."
I didn't cry, which was bloody amazing, haha. But, needless to say, Janelle knows a little more about me now.... If she can remember it.








"Fly by night, away from here...."
-Rush (shut up. yes, you.)