This is what I give you. Rooftops with secret views. Fire escapes lead us to heaven. Train yards where we hide together....

Well. Happy birthday to me. I spent the night at my mom's house because I haven't seen her in a long time. She woke me this morning at 11:30 (I really needed that sleep), and played me Happy Birthday on the violin. So cute! My dad picked us up around noon and we went for lunch at the Foundry. I got ID'd the second the waitress saw me, haha. I had lunch and a long island ice tea, and a shot. A B-52 I think it was. I saw Donna from work there too. After lunch I came home and sat around for awhile. Cleaned my room. Listened to music. Then I had dinner and cake with my family. My sister got me an awesome emo jacket which I will be wearing to Boytown tomorrow. Trevor came over after dinner and we went to Future Shop. I bought two cd's; Big Wreck, and A Perfect Circle. I also saw Peter and his son Max, who I used to babysit. We had a good ten minute chat about the boys (the other one is named Simon), and about music. Peter and his wife are really into exposing the kids to different kinds of music, it's great. Peter has got Simon (3 yrs old) listening to Black Sabbath, and Chris (the mom) puts classical on in the car and gets the kids to tell her the stories that the music is trying to get across. I was so impressed. What a cool thing to do for your kids. I'm never having any, but if I did, that's definitely how I'd raise them. Lots of music. So yeah, we left when the store closed and Trevor drove me home. Now I'm just about to go to bed; hopefully I can get some decent sleep...

I found some stuff I wrote awhile ago..

I feel like my soul is too old for this place. Seen it all too many times. Even the smell after rain has become a photograph in my mind, with withered edges. Early mornings, tentacles of sound, winged memories branded to my brain threaten to fly away; it's old news to me. I feel like I've been here too long. I've gone over this script hundreds of times until I know every word, every syllable; I can predict what happens next. Youth gives way to the cracks beneath. The flaws of time whisper of past lives. A trail of stars left behind; they've all died but their light still radiates. Pulsing to remind me where I came from. Reminding me why I'm here. Why am I here? I feel so alien. Everything, everyone, like a strange dream, I can't quite put my finger on it as they've cut off my whole hand. I went for a walk (I keep waking up with atrophied limbs) but I didn't like the look of things. The framework was all wrong; built with crooked lines and fractured pins. Faulty geometry. The numbers wouldn't add up. Or perhaps I'm the one out of place.

Something inside of you flickered. I was so unfamiliar with the sight of your glow that I leaned over to snuff you out. But then I paused; this was intentional. Not a hallucination; something in your eyes had changed. Your soul floated back to the surface, wading in the viscous ocean of disdain, waiting for a hand to pull it out. I reached towards you and felt your heat on the tips of my fingers. A smile flinched on my mouth as I danced my hand in the light. "Is that you?" I asked. You looked at me and parted your lips as if to speak, but I already knew the answer. Welcome back. I've been waiting all this time.




"All motivations out to sea and our ideas die so quickly."
-Pretty Girls Make Graves