Fuck with these buttons and knobs long enough and maybe things will turn out fine....

So I went to this party with Jason and Aaron. Jackie, Nick, and Miles were there, but other than them, I knew no one. Usually I'm fine in a group of strangers, but tonight was different. I hadn't had much sleep, and I was in a strange mood. I hope I didn't come off as an asshole. I hate it when people ask what's wrong with me. It's the same as saying, "Hey, you seem depressed. Why don't you tell me all your problems so I can not care?" I think I'd had enough of the random verbal insults. I can take it usually, but tonight I just couldn't stand it.
"Why are you wearing make-up? You look better without it."
Well, because I never get any sleep anymore and I don't like going out looking like death. You're right though, why do I bother trying?
God I hate feeling like this. I don't even know what's wrong. Everyone and everything is just boring the hell out of me. I used to be really outgoing and happy all the time. Now I don't even feel like being around people sometimes. I seriously can't stand many people anymore. I shouldn't even be typing on here right now, cuz I'm in a crappy mood and I'll come back later and think, "Why the fuck did I write all that shit."

Seriously though. When I'm pissed off, the last thing I want to do is tell someone about it. Especially in person. I hate talking to people about why I'm upset. I'd rather just be alone to deal with it myself. Like right now. I really wanted to stay out after the party with Jason, Aaron, Miles, and Jackie, but I knew I wasn't being any fun. I didn't want to try anymore. I was sick of pretending to be interested in conversations, and sick of trying to make it seem like everything was normal. I also hate it when people who don't really care try to help you. First of all, what's the point. You don't care. Second of all, I usually truthfully do not know what's wrong. I can't put my finger on one exact thing. It's an accumulation of circumstances. None of which I really care to explain.

Ok. Enough complaining for me. I don't think I'll go to bed tonight. I want to walk around in the dark by myself. I'm starting to like my own company more and more these days.


"You had the coldest eyes and the softest touch."
-Alexisonfire