We night swam down in the lake; washed the dirt off our intentions....

My computer has a virus. It's getting fixed on Friday, or so my dad says. So now I'm at the library, using the internet without an appointment. I'll no doubt be kicked off pretty soon, but until then, I can type. I suffered last night; having to resort to simple pen and paper. The lethargy of fingers betraying the lightening-quick thoughts that demanded to be released. I found it hard to keep up with myself.

Never before have I felt such a need for escape. I want to leave everything behind. I want to live. I want to learn. I'm sick of being stuck in this nothing town. One place is not enough for me. I want to travel the world and create stories to tell. Never before have I wanted to just disappear. It's a feeling like a nagging itch. Like a pinch growring more painful minute by minute. I'm exploding from the inside. I feel like I'm cheating myself. I feel like I'm doing what people want me to do; expect me to do. I feel like I'm going to wrong way, planning the wrong things. I'm so restless.

And then it became a song...
Oh how things are. One moment I'm on my feet and I'm not on the run and the English guy on tv, his voice is really getting to me. And suddenly...I'm over you. So high up above and over you. Hits me like a ton of bricks; I'm laying in bed enjoying life with the lids closed and it comes to me like a thief in the night. Like a ghost in the dark. It hits me so hard I have to come back to the light and I just have to write this down. This feeling is new, and although the pieces were always there, they've finally found their place. This feeling is so green. So raw it feels bitter on my tongue, yet sweet on my lips. Sweeter than you ever felt. The bass notes, the ones most hidden, are the ones that shake my bones the hardest. You missed a beat but I went back for it. You seemed so untouchably superior in my eyes. You don't look the same anymore. I skipped a few chapters ahead, because it's the end that really counts. Everything in between is just 'getting there'.

Anyway. So I may be gone for a couple days because of this computer issue. I definitely won't be coming all the way down here every day to write pointless entries. Sorry, guys. Haha.



"If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed."
-Modest Mouse