The only thing you're scared of is yourself....

I have learned more in the past two nights than I have learned in years of wondering. It was an amazing visit from my Auntie. Family secrets flew around the room, and I slowly started to piece together the events of my childhood. I learned a lot about my mom's childhood aswell.
"I don't remember laughing. I must have, but I don't remember."
I learned a lot about love.
"He was a good man. A wonderful person. He just wasn't a good Dad."
My Aunt, who has been married for 21 years, tried to enlighten me in the ways of companionship.
"Sometimes you find someone and think that you can'not imagine yourself ever spending your life with them. Then you find out that they bring out the best in you. Also, all of their trates accentuate the ones you lack. You work as a whole; both of you filling in where the other lacks. So, initially, you think this person is your opposite, but then you figure out that they complete you."
My mom and I talked about growing up. I asked what Tracey and I were like when we were little.
"She quickly became your leader. I mean, she let you have the spotlight, but she was always teaching you. She kept you grounded. That's what you need."

The next morning, Trevor came over and we talked for hours about everything from life, to relationships, to death. I couldn't help but feel, the whole time, that I was his teacher, and he the student. As if he was much younger than me, mentally. We talked about our pasts, and I can honestly say he knows everything about me. I told him I was glad he was in a good relationship, but I felt he needed to figure himself out before commiting to something.
"Well what about you?"
"What about me? No, really. Tell me what I'm like to date."
"You're very addicting. There's just something about you and your mind. But you will only connect on a romantic level with a certain type of person."
It was true. I connect to a lot of people, but it's rare when one of them can keep me in place. I tried to explain that to him.
"We had a good relationship, you and I. We clashed on a lot of levels. We only work together in certain ways, and we can't take it any further than that. If I can find someone that I work with on all levels, I'll be lucky."
"No, if someone finds you, and can keep you, then they're the lucky one."
Meanwhile, a veritable monsoon was breaking outside the kitchen window.
"Let's go out in it."
So we did.

I learned that although honesty is ideal, sometimes certain people just aren't ready to hear everything.

It meant something at the time, but now I can't find the connection. I remember people and heppenings. You remember houses. It made sense, and then in the morning, I lost it.

I'm in Courtenay with my grandparents and my Dad's Aunt's family. On the way down, we listened to Rush while the rain poured down outside. Now, my sister is sleeping, and my second cousin is sitting on the couch drawing. Occasionally, he'll perk up and tell me a story. Him and his brother are cool kids. We went horseback riding today. It was raining lightly, and everyone was quiet as the horses carried us through the damp woods. I loved every second of it. I felt so comfortable, but then again, I find that I'm always comfortable in brand new situations. I just fit right in, as if I've been doing it for years.

Back to work tomorrow. Groan. The last couple days have been so amazing, I don't want to let go of them.








"You make the sound of laughter and sharpened nails seem softer."
-Silverchair