Wait for me if I don't show up, take from me this hypocrites cup....

Tonight it went away. And that scared me to death. It left when I wasn't paying any attention. When I had let myself go for just a second. It was that quick. That feeling; that positivity, the drive, the ambition, the hope, everything; it just slipped away. Tagging along went my ability to drag myself out of whatever I fell into. I lost control. Repeat previous sentence for emphasis. I am so glad that you were there to help me. And I'm glad I'm ok with the fact that sometimes I can't do everything by myself.

Well while I'm on a roll, I might as well analyze myself a little more. I am a hypocrite. That's fine. I admit it and consider it a trait I can learn a lot from. I call myself blatantly honest, but sometimes I'm really not. When it comes to expressing myself about important things, I hold back. My guard is up and I don't know why. I want to be able to say everything I feel, but I'm afraid. Of what? I can't quite put my finger on it. I think it has something to do with wondering whether the feeling is real. No, that's not true. I know the feeling is real, I'm afraid of defining it. Yeah, that's it. I love figuring things out! Hopefully once I do some more pondering, I'll be able to let my guard down. My emotions are in turbo-defense mode. I'm afraid. That's what it comes down to. I'm afraid because I don't know.

So yeah... the last couple of days were tiring. We played two shows. It was fun though. Personally, I had a better time onstage at the second one, cuz rocking out is easier when you don't know anyone. All of the bands were really nice and polite. It was great to be in a pit again. It brought me right back to the Scout Hut days. Good memories? Or bad ones? Maybe just memories in general.

It was escape. It's as simple as that. I learned my intuition is sometimes a lot wiser than I expect.

Maybe I'll write more later. I have so much more to say, but I am too tired.





"I used to think I'd get over everything, but everything just got over me."
-MGB