Two years is a long time to pretend...can we start again?

This disconnection is only providing a warm and damp ground for breeding hate. I could go on like this forever, betrayal digs deep enough to erase the little voice telling me to call you. If you choose to live in a household filled with ignorance and immaturity, that's fine, I know it's comfortable for you to have everyone turn a blind eye to the real problem and pretend everything is ok. I can't get hung up on mind games anymore. I can't breathe your negativity and lack of passion, I don't have enough oxygen in my lungs as it is.

The music fed that craving that nothing else has come close to satisfying. Notes and their harmonies pinpricked my skin like melodic acupuncture, releasing tension pent up in blood red musculature. It reminded me of sweaty dance floors, water poured on hard wood so we could slip-and-slide, his hand reaching out to my screaming face, ripped converse sneakers, mobs of adolescents clad in black hoodies, a feeling a brotherhood amongst lovers of music. It reminded me of a time when I took the bad with the good, when the depression blended well with teenage angst and belting out lyrics was the best and free-est form of therapy. Who knows if I was happier then, but I was younger and I wasn't afraid of what I was 'supposed' to be doing. And now the pressure just mounts year after year and I feel like I've gone nowhere because I've ignored what I wanted to do after all. Do I take the safe route? Follow the path that guarantees success and synthetic happiness? Or do I follow that elusiveness hidden inside the future I can't predict? Do I follow you across the sea and try my luck on unfamiliar ground?

It just that.....nothing comes close to that high. Every drink and drug in the world is not enough to even scratch the surface of that elation. I want to feel like that every day. I want to make sounds and sequences of words that grab hearts like they always grabbed mine. I really only have one true love, and I know it's everlasting, should I chase it?